Raw 900th Episode Recap (my thoughts)

Warning: Explicit Language
Haven’t watched RAW in months so I’m a little hazy on the new guys’ names.

1st promo: Rather predictable But well done. I liked it. This mystery manager shit is really damn stupid… But the Undertaker vs. Bret Hart seems like it’s gonna be really good at this point
Me=pumped

Triple threat tag team match: Kofi Kingston Heath Ledgered that shit but Miz finished strong. I don’t really like the Money in the Bank briefcase it looks really corny to me. I preferred it when it was just a plain black suitcase. Miz is an ass hole and they did a good job catering to his heel persona. Also Jerry Lawler mentioned what happens when a volcano meets a tornado which is fucking awesome cuz it reminds me of the love the way you lie Eminem song.

Melina and some other bitch vs. LeCool (haven‘t watched RAW in literally months gimme a break): Okay someone seriously needs to kill LeCool. Melina is looking FINE. BTW this is your bathroom/jack off break match. Too bad it only lasted 2 minutes at most. Melina pins McCool and LeCool talks some shit after the match. Goddamn I hate these bitches. They set up a “unification match” at night of champions. Melina comes “prepared”???? On second thought she’s not that pretty… All the raw divas come out and Lawler gets horny.

They show a clip of John Cena getting the shit knocked out of him from June 7th and I laugh.

Nexus cuts a promo that sucks shit. The Nexus are a bunch of pussies. One even has Bieber hair and British guy has elf ears.

Commercials then Jericho cuts an okay promo. He promises that he will retire if he doesn’t win the WWE championship and the interviewer reminds him that he has pulled this shit before. Then Jericho calls me a hypocrite. F my life.

John Morrison aka douchasourus comes out for a tag match with his partner who is even more of a douchasorous (R Truth). He can’t rap. He needs to stop. Seriously it’s a really shitty gimmick. And they face yet another douchasorous Cody Rhodes and Vince’s chief dick sucker: Drew McIntire. Cole calls it a slobber knocker which reminds me how shit he is compared to good ol’ J.R. The king talks about boobies and I smile.

The match: Starts out really good. Then ref stops the match because shit goes down because no one gives a proverbial fuck about the rules of a tag match. So match lasts about 25 seconds then R Truth’s song plays at the end of the brawl which reminds me of how shit his rapping is.

Commercial hits starts out with WWE advertising merchandise and a Nexus shirt flashes across the screen and I’m thinking: “nobody with half a brain would ever buy a Nexus shirt. Ever. EVAR!”

They show the WWF logo is shown a couple times which really surprises me. I would think that the World Wildlife Foundation would get really butt hurt about it. King keeps talking about how fucking long they’ve been on the air. We get it king seriously.

Bret Hart vs. Undertaker: Part of me wishes taker would’ve come out with his original hat and purple gloves and shit. That would’ve been badass. Okay so British Elf man comes out and shits all over the potential match. “People don’t wanna hear about two legends during the 900th episode” um dips hit that’s the reason I actually tuned in. Who wrote this? Whoever it was is a genius because I don’t think I’ve hated anyone more than this British shit cake in the WWE. He says the future is Nexus. I really fucking hope not. Says he’s going to de-louse Bret Hart meaning I guess he’s going to wash his hair? Idk. So British shit fuck gets his ass kicked by undertaker and thrown out of the ring then Kane shows up and Taker starts fighting him. I’m starting to wonder if there’s ever going to be a full match that is over 40 seconds long… Kane’s fat ass somehow sneaks off as the building goes dark and Nexus come out to surround Taker. Taker kicks their asses until the room goes dark and then Taker gets whipped. The Nexus are pussies. Bieber hair 450 splashes Taker and Hart is nowhere to be found. I WANT A REAL FUCKING MATCH DAMNIT. So nexus stands around taker as he tries to get up but epically fails and we cut to commercial. F my life

Jack Swagger comes out who I actually like. Until he gets on the mike. He talks like he’s got down syndrome and just snorted a line off of McMahon’s cock. Oh and fucking Cole and King continue to talk about how long they’ve been on the air.

Evan Bourne vs. Jack Swagger: Swagger starts out decimating the fuck out of Bourne. SOMEONE ELSE FUCKING INTERRUPTS THE MATCH AND COLE IS FUCKING HAPPY AS SHIT. STOP THIS STUPID FUCK INTERRUPTING SHIT I WANT WRESTLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cole continues to fap to this rich Mexican fuck who comes out in a nice car. Like a Hispanic JBL. For some reason Cole is like cumming. Bourne gets shat on in a matter of seconds by Swagger’s ankle lock. Whatever. Mexican talks shit about Rey Rey which is a no no. Nobody but Cole likes this guy. Says he’s going to recreate damaging Mysterio and proceeds to rape the living sperm out of Bourne which I find oddly hilarious. Wait wasn’t there supposed to be wrestling? Oh yeah Mark Henry comes out and stops Hispanic JBL from further rapeage of Evan. Cuts to Cole and Lawler and I realize just how much Cole’s face pisses me off.

We cut to a three minute promo thing about WWE in China and a bunch of Chinese fans are shouting “we want wrestle” which is exactly what I’ve been shouting during this whole damn show.

Come back from commercial and I show a clip of the rock from ‘99 and I reflect on how far RAW has dropped in quality. I frown as CM punk comes out with two guys I don’t recognize. Punk says he’s better than the Rock cuz he doesn’t make shit movies. I lol’d. My heart is pounding because I think the Rock is coming but I know better than to get my hopes up too high. Punk bitches about drinking and smoking. I like CM punk. He’s really good on the Mic. He’s going to show atrocious acts committed on RAW and I have a feeling Stone Cold is going to be featured. People actually featured include Triple H Orton Edge Cena DX(of course) AND…. STONE COLD for spraying the corporation with beer back in ’07 which was epic. CM Punk continues to be awesome. Not to mention tease the fuck out of fans wich implications of a Rock and Stone Cold appearance. Austin’s music plays out as Cole does a shitty impression of J.R. Austin doesn’t come out. I think the writers are trying to make Punk a super heel. He insults the crowd and other shit. He calls Big Show criminally obese and Show gets pissed and comes out in a tux and pink shirt?? Idk. Big Show ridicules Punk for making a fat joke and challenges him to make fun of him more effectively. HOLY SHIT BIG SHOW KISSING VICKIE GUERRERO KILL IT WITH FIRE PLZ. Makes fun of Hulk Hogan and SES at the same time. Punk calls Show boring and tells him nobody likes him which was epic. I think he accuses Show of being high and Big Show pimp slaps CM Punk sending him out of the ring. The SES runs away. Rock and Austin didn’t show up Instead we get Big Show… ugh.

We come back from commercial and COLE AND KING AGAIN TALK ABOUT HOW FUCKING AWESOME RAW IS AND HOW LONG ITS BEEN AROUND WTF STOP PLZ.

Sheamus comes out and talks shit about The Game. Says Hunter is “never coming back” lololololololololol yeah cuz we buy that shit. Shaemus talks and talks about stupid shit like Randy Orton who is a ….. face?! Ugh. Why? Anyway Edge comes out with puffy eyes for some reason. He starts impersonating Scottish people and I lol’d. Talks about how he is better than Sheamus and crowd is confused at what to think. Edge’s music plays again and he walks to the ring. Main event next yay.

Edge Sheamus Jericho Cena and Orton vs. Nexus: This better not be a gimmick screw job match. JOOOOOOHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNN CEEEEEEENNNNNAAAAA srsly gimme a break. I’m getting the feeling stupid shit is going to happen in this match. Jericho and Something Tarver start the match out and stupid shit ensues. Jericho leaves the ring and starts to run away for some stupid fuck reason. Wow. So Jericho leaves(don’t worry I ridiculed his ass on Twitter=my badassness) and Edge pushes the ref down and gets disqualified. I knew this stupid shit would happen. Cena is not in with Tarver which =slaughter because as we know Cena is Super Christ. He tags Shaemus. Tarver tags out and long hair douche guy gets tagged in “Slater” I think his name is. Shaemus really needs to go to the beach or something because he’s paler than the Undertaker. Slater tags kind of black guy. I notice that none of Nexus is worth two shits and they keep getting raped. Kind of black guy really sucks at wrestling. Slater is back in and tags Gabriel. Cole begins to masturbate to the 450 splash right as my DVR shits out on me so I have to look up the end online. But from what I read looks like Nexus won. Which is good for their Image. They definitely needed this win to make themselves actually look like a threat.

Overall: Okay but I am upset at no Stone Cold. No Rock. No Michaels. No J.R. Nothing special except Bret Hart. This was an okay show but I think RAW deserved a better 900th episode. Most of it was predictable but I’ve watch A LOT of WWE in my day so that’s probably why. Meh.
Raw I am dissapoint.

I know it was long but I wrote it all while watching. I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed typing it =]

The best bit was CM Punks promo:

Raw has promoted poor family values. I've got two words for Ya.(*crowd* Suck It!)... Katie Vick. And if you don't get it, that's fine, youtube it and it will drive you to drink and then come see me and I'll save you.

CM Punk's promo was about the only good thing on the show I thought. Think I might be done with WWE for a while, there's only so much shit I can watch before I'd have to top myself.

punk was definitly the best part of it

hodge13 wrote:

punk was definitly the best part of it

I totally agree. CM Punk is the best in the newer generation of stars as of late in my opinion. I'm talking fairly new stars not like undertaker or Triple H. They still top Punk

FoleyFan94 wrote:

hodge13 wrote:

punk was definitly the best part of it

I totally agree. CM Punk is the best in the newer generation of stars as of late in my opinion. I'm talking fairly new stars not like undertaker or Triple H. They still top Punk

I'd say only Jericho tops Punk at the moment

FoleyFan94 wrote:

Warning: Explicit Language
Haven’t watched RAW in months so I’m a little hazy on the new guys’ names.

1st promo: Rather predictable But well done. I liked it. This mystery manager shit is really damn stupid… But the Undertaker vs. Bret Hart seems like it’s gonna be really good at this point
Me=pumped

Triple threat tag team match: Kofi Kingston Heath Ledgered that shit but Miz finished strong. I don’t really like the Money in the Bank briefcase it looks really corny to me. I preferred it when it was just a plain black suitcase. Miz is an ass hole and they did a good job catering to his heel persona. Also Jerry Lawler mentioned what happens when a volcano meets a tornado which is fucking awesome cuz it reminds me of the love the way you lie Eminem song.

Melina and some other bitch vs. LeCool (haven‘t watched RAW in literally months gimme a break): Okay someone seriously needs to kill LeCool. Melina is looking FINE. BTW this is your bathroom/jack off break match. Too bad it only lasted 2 minutes at most. Melina pins McCool and LeCool talks some shit after the match. Goddamn I hate these bitches. They set up a “unification match” at night of champions. Melina comes “prepared”???? On second thought she’s not that pretty… All the raw divas come out and Lawler gets horny.

They show a clip of John Cena getting the shit knocked out of him from June 7th and I laugh.

Nexus cuts a promo that sucks shit. The Nexus are a bunch of pussies. One even has Bieber hair and British guy has elf ears.

Commercials then Jericho cuts an okay promo. He promises that he will retire if he doesn’t win the WWE championship and the interviewer reminds him that he has pulled this shit before. Then Jericho calls me a hypocrite. F my life.

John Morrison aka douchasourus comes out for a tag match with his partner who is even more of a douchasorous (R Truth). He can’t rap. He needs to stop. Seriously it’s a really shitty gimmick. And they face yet another douchasorous Cody Rhodes and Vince’s chief dick sucker: Drew McIntire. Cole calls it a slobber knocker which reminds me how shit he is compared to good ol’ J.R. The king talks about boobies and I smile.

The match: Starts out really good. Then ref stops the match because shit goes down because no one gives a proverbial fuck about the rules of a tag match. So match lasts about 25 seconds then R Truth’s song plays at the end of the brawl which reminds me of how shit his rapping is.

Commercial hits starts out with WWE advertising merchandise and a Nexus shirt flashes across the screen and I’m thinking: “nobody with half a brain would ever buy a Nexus shirt. Ever. EVAR!”

They show the WWF logo is shown a couple times which really surprises me. I would think that the World Wildlife Foundation would get really butt hurt about it. King keeps talking about how fucking long they’ve been on the air. We get it king seriously.

Bret Hart vs. Undertaker: Part of me wishes taker would’ve come out with his original hat and purple gloves and shit. That would’ve been badass. Okay so British Elf man comes out and shits all over the potential match. “People don’t wanna hear about two legends during the 900th episode” um dips hit that’s the reason I actually tuned in. Who wrote this? Whoever it was is a genius because I don’t think I’ve hated anyone more than this British shit cake in the WWE. He says the future is Nexus. I really fucking hope not. Says he’s going to de-louse Bret Hart meaning I guess he’s going to wash his hair? Idk. So British shit fuck gets his ass kicked by undertaker and thrown out of the ring then Kane shows up and Taker starts fighting him. I’m starting to wonder if there’s ever going to be a full match that is over 40 seconds long… Kane’s fat ass somehow sneaks off as the building goes dark and Nexus come out to surround Taker. Taker kicks their asses until the room goes dark and then Taker gets whipped. The Nexus are pussies. Bieber hair 450 splashes Taker and Hart is nowhere to be found. I WANT A REAL FUCKING MATCH DAMNIT. So nexus stands around taker as he tries to get up but epically fails and we cut to commercial. F my life

Jack Swagger comes out who I actually like. Until he gets on the mike. He talks like he’s got down syndrome and just snorted a line off of McMahon’s cock. Oh and fucking Cole and King continue to talk about how long they’ve been on the air.

Evan Bourne vs. Jack Swagger: Swagger starts out decimating the fuck out of Bourne. SOMEONE ELSE FUCKING INTERRUPTS THE MATCH AND COLE IS FUCKING HAPPY AS SHIT. STOP THIS STUPID FUCK INTERRUPTING SHIT I WANT WRESTLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cole continues to fap to this rich Mexican fuck who comes out in a nice car. Like a Hispanic JBL. For some reason Cole is like cumming. Bourne gets shat on in a matter of seconds by Swagger’s ankle lock. Whatever. Mexican talks shit about Rey Rey which is a no no. Nobody but Cole likes this guy. Says he’s going to recreate damaging Mysterio and proceeds to rape the living sperm out of Bourne which I find oddly hilarious. Wait wasn’t there supposed to be wrestling? Oh yeah Mark Henry comes out and stops Hispanic JBL from further rapeage of Evan. Cuts to Cole and Lawler and I realize just how much Cole’s face pisses me off.

We cut to a three minute promo thing about WWE in China and a bunch of Chinese fans are shouting “we want wrestle” which is exactly what I’ve been shouting during this whole damn show.

Come back from commercial and I show a clip of the rock from ‘99 and I reflect on how far RAW has dropped in quality. I frown as CM punk comes out with two guys I don’t recognize. Punk says he’s better than the Rock cuz he doesn’t make shit movies. I lol’d. My heart is pounding because I think the Rock is coming but I know better than to get my hopes up too high. Punk bitches about drinking and smoking. I like CM punk. He’s really good on the Mic. He’s going to show atrocious acts committed on RAW and I have a feeling Stone Cold is going to be featured. People actually featured include Triple H Orton Edge Cena DX(of course) AND…. STONE COLD for spraying the corporation with beer back in ’07 which was epic. CM Punk continues to be awesome. Not to mention tease the fuck out of fans wich implications of a Rock and Stone Cold appearance. Austin’s music plays out as Cole does a shitty impression of J.R. Austin doesn’t come out. I think the writers are trying to make Punk a super heel. He insults the crowd and other shit. He calls Big Show criminally obese and Show gets pissed and comes out in a tux and pink shirt?? Idk. Big Show ridicules Punk for making a fat joke and challenges him to make fun of him more effectively. HOLY SHIT BIG SHOW KISSING VICKIE GUERRERO KILL IT WITH FIRE PLZ. Makes fun of Hulk Hogan and SES at the same time. Punk calls Show boring and tells him nobody likes him which was epic. I think he accuses Show of being high and Big Show pimp slaps CM Punk sending him out of the ring. The SES runs away. Rock and Austin didn’t show up Instead we get Big Show… ugh.

We come back from commercial and COLE AND KING AGAIN TALK ABOUT HOW FUCKING AWESOME RAW IS AND HOW LONG ITS BEEN AROUND WTF STOP PLZ.

Sheamus comes out and talks shit about The Game. Says Hunter is “never coming back” lololololololololol yeah cuz we buy that shit. Shaemus talks and talks about stupid shit like Randy Orton who is a ….. face?! Ugh. Why? Anyway Edge comes out with puffy eyes for some reason. He starts impersonating Scottish people and I lol’d. Talks about how he is better than Sheamus and crowd is confused at what to think. Edge’s music plays again and he walks to the ring. Main event next yay.

Edge Sheamus Jericho Cena and Orton vs. Nexus: This better not be a gimmick screw job match. JOOOOOOHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNN CEEEEEEENNNNNAAAAA srsly gimme a break. I’m getting the feeling stupid shit is going to happen in this match. Jericho and Something Tarver start the match out and stupid shit ensues. Jericho leaves the ring and starts to run away for some stupid fuck reason. Wow. So Jericho leaves(don’t worry I ridiculed his ass on Twitter=my badassness) and Edge pushes the ref down and gets disqualified. I knew this stupid shit would happen. Cena is not in with Tarver which =slaughter because as we know Cena is Super Christ. He tags Shaemus. Tarver tags out and long hair douche guy gets tagged in “Slater” I think his name is. Shaemus really needs to go to the beach or something because he’s paler than the Undertaker. Slater tags kind of black guy. I notice that none of Nexus is worth two shits and they keep getting raped. Kind of black guy really sucks at wrestling. Slater is back in and tags Gabriel. Cole begins to masturbate to the 450 splash right as my DVR shits out on me so I have to look up the end online. But from what I read looks like Nexus won. Which is good for their Image. They definitely needed this win to make themselves actually look like a threat.

Overall: Okay but I am upset at no Stone Cold. No Rock. No Michaels. No J.R. Nothing special except Bret Hart. This was an okay show but I think RAW deserved a better 900th episode. Most of it was predictable but I’ve watch A LOT of WWE in my day so that’s probably why. Meh.
Raw I am dissapoint.

I know it was long but I wrote it all while watching. I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed typing it =]

This is the best summary I have ever seen on this forum, welldone as this has to be the wrestling equivilent of Harry Hills TV Burp

Seriously that was hilarious stuff (JOOOOOOHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNN CEEEEEEENNNNNAAAAA srsly gimme a break ), but joking asode I didn't think much of this "special 900th episode" which seemed like a normal Raw show with added Smackdown wrestlers with a clip show feel too it... so I guess I find your summary of the show more entertaining than the atcual show

I agree though the CM Punk segment was the best part and just search Katie Vick on youtube (as did alot of people judging by the "Thumbs Up If You'r Watching This Cuse Of CmPunk") as I had no idea what he was talking about until I saw the video and I remember now (it's the Kane vs Triple H necrophilla storyline).

Quote :

This is the best summary I have ever seen on this forum, welldone as this has to be the wrestling equivilent of Harry Hills TV Burp

Seriously that was hilarious stuff (JOOOOOOHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNN CEEEEEEENNNNNAAAAA srsly gimme a break ), but joking asode I didn't think much of this "special 900th episode" which seemed like a normal Raw show with added Smackdown wrestlers with a clip show feel too it... so I guess I find your summary of the show more entertaining than the atcual show

I agree though the CM Punk segment was the best part and just search Katie Vick on youtube (as did alot of people judging by the "Thumbs Up If You'r Watching This Cuse Of CmPunk") as I had no idea what he was talking about until I saw the video and I remember now (it's the Kane vs Triple H necrophilla storyline).

Well thank you. Depending on the responses I got I was going to maybe do weekly/bi weekly summaries of shows. I noticed some typos and I think it's cuz I wrote all this on the fly while watching so I need to up my editing process. I'm glad you liked it
CM Punk's promo was the shit and I too had no clue what he was talking about but I do remember that storyline.
Anyway thanks for the support

Haha that was a funny read would love to read these recap's weekly.

randy-poffo wrote:

Haha that was a funny read would love to read these recap's weekly.

Your wish is my command good sir.

FoleyFan

Hardcore Waffles wrote:

FoleyFan94 wrote:

hodge13 wrote:

punk was definitly the best part of it

I totally agree. CM Punk is the best in the newer generation of stars as of late in my opinion. I'm talking fairly new stars not like undertaker or Triple H. They still top Punk

I'd say only Jericho tops Punk at the moment

Meh.

Mackem wrote:

FoleyFan

Thank you kind sir.

Seriously man keep it up. The fact I read through that shows how good it was. I don't agree with half the shit you came out with, but you said it so well it didn't matter. That little paragraph about China made me laugh out loud.

Finestfootball wrote:

Seriously man keep it up. The fact I read through that shows how good it was. I don't agree with half the shit you came out with, but you said it so well it didn't matter. That little paragraph about China made me laugh out loud.

Thanks man. I respect that you disagree and thanks for being civil about it. Plus the compliments are greatly appreciated =]

Probably the best summary i've read in years. Fantastic FoleyFan!